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Wow. Been awhile.

It’s been sometime, over a year, now, since I wrote in this blog. In all that time, nothing has really changed. I still haven’t found a therapist who knows anything about GID, but I am in therapy for depression and other issues.

To anyone who actually still comes here, I am sorry for not continuing the blog. Life sort of got in the way. It’s got in the way on a lot of things, sadly.

That said, here’s hoping I can post regularly again, if for no other reason than to sharpen my writing skills.

Happy New Year!

Well, it’s New Years Eve. Everyone’s looking forward to the calender switching over to January. Many people are dressed up, looking their best for the parties, tonight.

Alcohol will be flowing, I am sure. Everyone be safe this New Years and enjoy the party.

As for me, I’ll be home. Sitting quietly, wishing I was in the middle of Times Square in a beautiful little black dress, strapy black high heel sandals, and either a ruggedly handsome man or a beautiful curly haired woman to treat me like the lady they love.

*laughs at herself*

Well, a girl can dream, right?

Happy New Years, everyone. Raise a glass for me, tonight, and be safe.

Allison

The first step in transitioning is finding a gender councilor, or a therapist who’s knowledgeable about gender issues. Of course, having GID (Gender Identity Disorder) comes with a host of other issues, as well.

Depression is probably the single biggest issue to go along with the GID. This is not surprising, considering the nature of the disorder. For those non-TG’s reading this, imagine for a moment you are physically the other sex, but you have the same thoughts as you do now. You like the same things, and react just like you do now. The only difference is the body you are in is the opposite of what you feel you are.

This physical conflict is the root of GID and it would, naturally, lead to all sorts of depression and even suicidal thoughts.

So, early in the process, its important to locate and sit down with someone who is knowledgeable about gender issues and can help with this sort of thing.

Finding a councilor is vital to the survival of the transgendered person.

Which is why I am looking for one now.

Cheers,
Allison

Growing up Different

Growing up different is never an easy thing to deal with, whether you’re heavy, thin, short, tall, gay, straight, or a transgirl afraid to go to gym for fear of running like a girl and getting beat up because of it.

For me, it was the transgirl thing (obviously). I was scared to death of gym class, because, growing up in the South, as a male-bodied person, you are expected to want to play football, basketball, or other sports. Since I would wile my time away reading comic books and dreaming I was Wonder Woman, (or The Huntress), I was very different from those around me.

I remember dressing out in gym class in the boys locker room and trying so hard not to stare at them as they stripped down and changed clothes. I steadfastly kept my eyes averted, when I wanted nothing more than to look at their, well, you know. *laughs*

Imagine how naked I felt, (those who are T and reading this don’t need to imagine; you were there, too, in a thousand different locker rooms across the country and the world), a vulnerable girl in a room with all those naked boys. Very frightening.

Like most Tgirls, I was shy. I never went to school functions, save for the odd dance, but that was mainly to see the clothes the other girls were wearing; the clothes I wasn’t allowed to wear.

After school was a time for reflecting on the outfits of the girls in my classes. I would remember in fondness how this girl or that girl was dressed and whether or not I would look good in their clothes. Dancing with their boyfriends. This was not sexual, though I did, honestly, pleasure myself, when thinking of being with the boys in my classes.

As I got older, and I entered puberty, I felt horribly betrayed, as one might imagine. Here was my own body turning into something I didn’t want and could never understand. (I still don’t want it, though I do understand it better than I did then).

For a long time, I tried to live as society wanted me to live. I only occasionally dressed as I thought I should be, and never in public, not even on Halloween, sadly. Eventually, I got married to a wonderful woman. We are still married to this day.

Do I have any plans to go through with my transition? Absolutely. My eventual goal is to transition; to form a new Church of Athena, and serve the Goddess of Wisdom as Her Priestess.

Honestly, there’s not a day, a moment, that passes that I don’t think about being female. I dream about it. I wake up wishing to all the Gods and Goddess there are to fulfill that wish. Alas, this wish has yet to come true, though I believe the Gods are teaching me a lesson. The Gods want me to make this difficult transition to teach me something I failed to learn in a past life.

I’d like to think that all the pain I went through growing up as lead me to this point. All the fear, the gut wrenching terror of being in that locker room, of being discovered as an impostor. Such fear! Thinking back on it, I can still taste the fear, feel my pulse race. The claws of horror want to drag me down into that pit again.

That fear is what drives many transsexuals to hide, and rightly so. There are many people out there, some more violent than others, who would destroy you simply because you are different.

Being different is not a crime, but some may punish you for it, or try to. The best defense against these sorts is to simply not draw attention to yourself. Don’t go around announcing it to the world that you’re planning to have major surgery and remove/alter your genitalia. For some reason, I’ve not figured this out yet, but some people get deeply offended when you talk about having surgery on your body. I guess they think it belongs to them or something. Rubbish, that, but there it is.

Just be careful with who you tell. Once a secret like this is out, you can’t recapture it.

Thanks for reading,
Allison

Getting Started

Hi, everyone. I am just getting started with my new blog, here, so please forgive the mess as I move in and get settled.

About This Blog
This blog will deal with Transgendered issues, such as hormones, therapy, and changing ones sex from male to female. If such things offend or put you off, please navigate elsewhere, as I don’t want anyone to be offended at my own personal journey.

A short introduction is in order. I am Allison, your hostess. I have known since I was 4 that I was not male gendered. I have been striving for many years now to complete my transition from the male body I was born into, to a female body that I should’ve been born with.

I make no apologies for this, as I don’t think I have anything to apologize for. I am as I was intended to be.

That said, please make yourselves at home. Comments are always welcome, but please, keep it clean and be respectful. I can and will ban you from my journal if you irritate me enough. (I am sure someone will want to get banned, simply to call my bluff. There is always one in the crowd.)

In any event, thanks for stopping by.

Allison

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